Am I the enemy from within??

This is what I thought to myself on Halloween, when I had a chance to talk to the MAGA gear wearing grandparents at my son’s preschool. I had seen them at pickup a few times, decked out in Trump merch. To be honest, it made my heart race every time. I usually feel uneasy around people wearing that stuff, because I’m not really sure what it means about them.

I only know that I don’t like what that man stands for, and never have.

On this particular day, they were wearing regular clothes. Political attire was against the rules for the Halloween party. Grandpa helped me load the juice boxes and chips and cupcakes onto a cart. Grandma introduced herself and asked which kid was mine. Apparently they volunteer at lunchtime. They were super sweet to me and my son, and I couldn’t help but wonder if they would still treat him same if he wasn’t a blond haired blue eyed little boy. Would they let their granddaughter be friends with him in high school if he grew up to be gay or transgender? What would they think if they saw that I had a “, la” (Kamala) magnet on my car?

Back in 2016, I assumed that all Trump supporters must be racist, misogynistic, assholes.

Because I didn’t actually know any. Or so I thought. But as more and more slowly started to come out of the woodwork, a lot of the ones I knew were more misguided. Misinformed. Rightfully pissed off about something. Probably hurting. Afraid? More judgmental than curious. Unwilling to change their opinion when presented with new information. Possibly taken over by something resembling a cult??

I realize that probably makes me sound judgey too, but stick with me here.

Because I’m willing to bet that some of you know these people. Maybe you used to be one or even still are? Or you just “don’t do politics” but are going along with whatever your boyfriend/husband/dad thinks. In any case, I’ve noticed that a lot of people are starting to become more open to changing their opinion. Because the new information about that guy is starting to get more outlandish by the day. It’s getting really hard to ignore.

Donald Trump called the left “the enemy from within” the other day.

Is that what I am?

Random people on the internet certainly seem to think so when they make comments on Instagram letting me know that: “@itsjennaj libtards love to kill unborn babies 💩.” This was in response to a statement that I made about women voting against their own best interest by voting for him.

Would you talk to a real human like that to their face? Because I certainly wouldn’t.

I won’t do it to you in real life. I will no longer engage with it online when it comes at me. (Save your breath and time if you were about to leave a rude comment on this post.)

Can you see how this man and the people who enable him are causing us to dehumanize each other?

It happens mostly online, but we don’t talk about politics in real life. Not after the time I walked out of your ex-boyfriend’s house the time he got drunk and made fun of me for wanting to go to the women’s march. Because our kids play nicely together and we’re both afraid to kill the vibe at the playground. Because I didn’t want to ruin your daughter’s wedding or Christmas Eve. Because I worry that you’ll complain to my boss and get me in trouble for stepping out of my lane. That you won’t sign your kid up for my dance class next season, even though I’ve pretty much watched her grow up.

And so I write about it. On the off chance that I’ll reach someone. Even if it’s just to make someone else who feels like I do feel less alone.

It’s the day before election day and I’m over here wondering how we seem to be living in two completely different universes. It feels like we’re headed straight into an iceberg on the Titanic. Except instead we’re driving dangerously close to fascism territory. And every time another sign points to it, people call it “fake news!” In the same way that Shaggy said “it wasn’t me” in that song where “honey came in and she caught me red-handed creepin’ with the girl next door”. You remember that song right? I can remember it playing in the car when your parents drove us home from TGI Friday’s freshman year of high school.

Am I really the enemy from within?

Do you actually think people like me “want to murder our offspring”? The same one we just planned a preschool Halloween party for? Or are you gonna actually hear me when I say I’d never move back to Ohio, (or any red state) because I don’t trust that if I ever got pregnant again and had complications that I’d be able to get safe reproductive care. Did you even know that in some cases abortion is necessary healthcare? Or did you miss that memo because most of us never got comprehensive sex ed?

The thing is, I want to believe that most people are good at heart.

And that we probably want a lot of the same things, deep down. Because you were basically one of the adults who helped raise me. One of my favorite dance teachers. My mom’s friend. I used to babysit your kids and fold your laundry for you while they slept. My family came to picnics at your house every summer. You groomed my dog (best haircut ever btw) and loved on him so hard. I gave a speech at your wife’s funeral. You baked cookies for my wedding. You helped me through some of my most stressful times when we were in the same sorority. I listened to you cry when the love of your life broke up with you in college.

I don’t really know.

Because we sort of drifted apart. Seasons of life. Nothing really bad happened. But at some point we forgot that we’re all just regular humans doing our best. We’re all burnt out from the shit storm that was Covid. Maybe we got divided at some point over vaccines or mask mandates. Because you love a cop and took it personal when I said that Black lives matter. I hate that.

I want to believe that you’re not a bad person. That you don’t want to throw the entire country under the bus over the price of eggs.

That you don’t have such a lack of empathy that you can’t possibly believe that some people have a very different lived experience in the world than you do. That maybe you’ve never met a trans person, or had a conversation with someone who was living in poverty and working their ass off but still couldn’t get ahead.

I want to believe that most people are good people. But in order to do that, I think we all need to admit that we’re scared and pissed off.

I am scared that we’re on the fast track to a dictatorship and I need you to help stop it.

I am scared that one day we won’t be able to write blog posts where we speak our minds like this because him and people like him will threaten to “put her with a rifle standing there with nine barrels shooting at her” like he said about Liz Cheney for speaking out against him.

I am pissed that the JD Vance’s of the world make fun of “childless cat ladies” and spread misinformation about immigrants eating said cats (and dogs).

That the Harrison Butker’s think that women’s only place is in the home and that Tony Hinchcliffe’s say that Puerto Rico is an “island of garbage”. I hate that the Jesse Watters’ of the world automatically think that their wives voting for Harris would be the equivalent of having an affair, instead of wondering why women feel unsafe sharing information like this with their husbands who vote against them.

I am scared that my son will grow up in a planet destroyed by the natural disasters that are a result of climate change. I am also scared that he’ll become a victim of yet another school shooting and pissed at the people who insist on having assault rifles and refuse to consider common sense gun legislation.

I am scared that things like book bans and the dismantling of the Department of Education will mean that future generations stop learning about science, accurate history, and critical thinking skills. I don’t want to live in a world where people think Democrats are controlling the weather and don’t have the knowledge to recognize when someone is literally pulling from the playbooks of historically reprehensible dictators.

I am scared of Project 2025 as a whole.

Because even if Trump isn’t actually affiliated with it, the people who surround him are, and he is old and also very easily influenced. I know that the architects of that plan would try to run the country like they run their households–an extension of Christian patriarchy.

I hate that when someone says they are a Christian I have to wonder if they’re the “feed the hungry” kind or the “Trump and Jesus together on a poster” kind. I didn’t always pay attention in Sunday school as a kid, but I do remember the part about not worshipping false idols. . .

I am absolutely freaking out at the thought of him getting to appoint more Supreme Court justices. That he’ll finally get rid of the affordable care act like he almost did last time, and offer nothing but “concepts of a plan” to replace it. About how friendly he is with dictators. I could go on and on and on, but mostly I’d like to go to bed. Plus I know it would still not be enough for some people.

Do we really want this guy to have the nuclear codes??

What are you afraid of? Why are you so pissed off? I wish we could talk about it. But I worry that you’ll just spout conspiracy theories at me as you dismiss all of my concerns. Saying vaguely cryptic things like “in a few years you’ll know what I know.” Just like someone did to me a few weeks ago. (He brought it up in the car while I was driving him to pick up a pizza.)

I want to trust people again.

But it’s hard to close a can of worms once you’ve opened it, and the way he has normalized hateful rhetoric makes it feel like a virus that’s been multiplying for years. It’s not gonna go away even if he does. Not unless we stop spouting hate into our keyboards and actually talk to a human. I miss the days where we could “agree to disagree” about politics, but it feels like it’s just gone too far.

He’s painted regular people like me into a caricature of a villain to distract from the fact that he is the very definition of one. Did we learn nothing from watching The Lion King or reading The Lorax as children??

In any case, you’re here. You read until the end. And even though you didn’t ask my opinion I am begging you to please help put an end to this chaos and vote blue. Or if you can’t bring yourself to do that, but you’re no longer super enthused by what the red team is bringing to the top of the ticket, then maybe just sit this one out? I don’t care if you like her or don’t. I just want a chance for us all to be able to vote for people we do like for years to come.