How All-Or-Nothing Mindset Is Ruining Your Relationship With Exercise
What is the worst thing you’re doing when it comes to your health and fitness? I’ll give you a hint, it’s not the pizza you ordered last night, non-organic strawberries, or the fact that you didn’t get to go to the gym during quarantine. It’s your all-or-nothing mindset surrounding all of the above. You heard that right.
All-or-nothing mindset is NOT helping you reach your goals the way you might think it would.
It’s the reason why you feel like you’re either “on the wagon” or “off the wagon”. The reason you think you need a “cheat day”. It’s why you can’t stop bingeing on the grain-free/sugar-free/joy-free “cookies” you just baked. And it’s especially why you can’t get yourself to have a normal relationship with exercise. That’s mostly what I’m here to talk about today.
It doesn’t have to be either “No excuses! Bootcamp at 6am!” or “Just rest and eat cake for breakfast.”
Although both could have their time and place. 😉 But in many cases, the reason that you might feel out of control around food or too tired or unmotivated to work out is because you pushed yourself too hard in the other direction. The pendulum needs to swing back and slow down before you can settle into something that feels sustainable and good, especially when it comes to your workouts. So if you’re trying to establish a fitness routine after a break, you may just need to do the opposite if what you’ve always done.
It’s literally impossible to do it all. So if you allow yourself to get stuck in an all-or-nothing mindset, you’ll pretty much always land on “nothing”.
Either that, or run yourself into the ground in the pursuit of perfection. Which is why I always encourage my clients to try to let go of that kind of thinking. All-or-nothing mindset is what got us stuck on this weird yo-yo carnival ride of “fitness” in the first place.
So if all-or-nothing mindset isn’t the answer, what do you do instead?
Here are my favorite tips for how to establish workout habits that enhance your life instead of take it over. So that you never have to worry about being on or off “the wagon” ever again.
Set 9/10 goals.
I don’t mean 9-10 goals. You can have as many or as few as you want. But whatever you choose, set goals you are a 9/10 (on a scale of 1-10) sure you can achieve. This might seem boring or like it’s not enough, but it will set you up for success. You can always add more later if you want to!
Remove as many barriers as possible.
There are so many things that can get in the way of working out. Remove as many of them as possible. Have a hard time waking up in the morning? Don’t force yourself to do it super early. Belong to a gym that’s 20 minutes away? (And might close down again anyway?) Invest that $$ in some good equipment for home. Hate that all your workout clothes are old and don’t fit right? Get new sports bra in a fun color that you’re excited to wear.
Celebrate your wins.
Seriously. Nothing is too small to celebrate. And we don’t give ourselves nearly enough credit. Did you learn a new movement this week? Finally start that new training program? Allow yourself to take a day off guilt-free? Remember to drink your water? In Tough Love Strength Club I recently incorporated something called “Winning Wednesday” where we all share our wins with each other. It’s quickly becoming our favorite day of the week!
Know that if something isn’t working in your body it’s not your fault.
And if your trainer tries to tell you it is, get a new one. 😉 If you’re having a hard time doing push-ups or lunges hurt your knees, you are NOT broken. It’s not your job to make it work. It’s your coach’s job to help you troubleshoot and find a variation that works for you. It is your job to talk to your coach about possible alternatives and solutions. There are a billion different ways to accomplish the same goal. If you know why you’re doing a specific exercise (something that I teach all my clients) it’s easy to swap it out for something similar.
Shine a light on shame.
You should never have to suffer in silence. But so often, when you’re having a hard time with something–an exercise, building a habit, whatever, it can feel easier to slink away in secret and feel like you failed. NOPE. Be honest with your coach and your community. I tell my clients that I actually want to hear their excuses. I do! Because when we know what the problem is, it’s much easier to come up with a solution. In my programs, I could care less if you’re 100% “compliant” and complete every workout as scheduled. I care about what you learn about yourself and how you grow through the process.
Give yourself permission to half-ass your workout sometimes.
To be clear, I don’t mean be careless or sloppy with your form. I do mean, that it’s ok to do things like: Use lighter weights than usual if you aren’t feeling 100%. Work out for a shorter amount of time than normal. Skip a set or a couple of reps if you’re short on time or low on energy. It’s ok, I promise! And unless you’re sick, injured, or skipping out on something else important that you need to do, its better than nothing!
Know what advice is meant for you.
It’s important to learn to distinguish which health and fitness advice is geared towards you. A pretty good percentage of the fitness industry speaks to everyone as if they have the goal of competing in a bikini competition or completing an Ironman. You don’t have to train twice a day for it to “count” or eat steamed broccoli and plain chicken breast out of tupperware containers to be healthy or worthy. If that’s not your goal, those rules don’t apply to you! Take advice from fitness professionals who understand what YOUR goals are.
Set goals that are aligned with your values.
Have you ever thought about what your core values are as a whole person? What you want your life to look like? How you want to feel? Let your goals align with those things. So that when you train, you can keep that in mind. If you set fitness goals based on something arbitrary someone else told you you “should” want, you’re setting yourself up for potential failure and disappointment.
Allow your goals to evolve and change.
It is 100% ok for your goals to change over time! There are times in life when you might be working towards something bigger, and other times when you might just be trying to get by. It’s all ok. And you always get to decide for yourself. Whatever you choose, try to focus on specific process driven goals rather than vague outcome based ones. For example: Instead of “I will get strong AF.” Try something like: “I will lift weights twice this week.”
Remember that progress isn’t linear.
Just like your goals, life has it’s ups and downs. At some point every single one of us will get sick or injured or have to deal with a stressful life event. Just like a well designed training program ebbs and flows, your life will also be the same. Don’t let the low points stop you from continuing to show up and do your best.
Be aware of how you compare.
Who are you comparing yourself to? How do you measure your success? Do you compare yourself to social media influencers who are only showing you the highlights of their life through a filter? Or do you compare yourself to a former version of yourself, who you have also glamorized through a rosy lens? Take a step back. Remember how you actually felt when you perceived yourself to be smaller/stronger/more dedicated, whatever. You probably also had your share of struggles and maybe even some disordered habits in there? If you reframe it to see the positive direction you’re headed in right now, it will put you on more of an upward spiral.
The next time you find yourself feeling stuck in a rut with working out, try some of the above tips instead.
All-or-nothing mindset is not the answer moving forward. It never was. And as backwards as it may seem, giving yourself permission to do a little bit less in the short term may actually lead you to a truer version of health and fitness in the long term.
