Unpopular Opinion: We Weren’t All Meant To Be Skinny.
If you work out and eat like me, you’re gonna look like you.
That is not a typo. Let me explain. A few months ago I had a post blow up on Facebook. I almost didn’t share it because it came from a very fired up place for me. I was at a dance competition with my students when someone in the audience turned to me and asked:
“Why do you think some dancers seem to hold on to extra weight even though they’re dancing all the time?”
This was obviously in reference to a dancer we had just watched perform. A lovely performer. Great technique. And clearly larger than her peers. Here’s a thought:
Maybe that’s not “extra” weight for them.
Maybe that’s the size they were genetically wired to be. Why are we so willing to accept that some people are just “naturally skinny”? But the idea that someone could naturally be in a larger body is so absurd? Why is it so mind blowing that someone could be active AND healthy AND a skilled athlete AND an incredible artist AND also be curvy or chubby or thick or even fat. ?
The aesthetic standard that is expected of professional dancers is impossibly narrow and difficult to achieve.
And today I’d like to venture a step further and say that the same is also true for people who work in the fitness industry. For athletes of all kinds. For women. Let me just put it all out there: The aesthetic standard that is expected of humans living in the world is impossibly narrow and difficult to achieve. Think I’m being dramatic?
Think it’s not that hard? Sit down. You’re probably one of the “naturally thin” ones.
I probably sound like I’m bitter. I am a little bit salty. Because my body type falls into this weird category. Where anywhere else in the real world I’m considered to look “fit”, whatever that means. I sometimes refer to this idea of “thin privilege” and fully admit that I have plenty of it. At the same time, as a dancer & fitness professional I’ve always been on the cusp of being simultaneously “too much” and “not enough”. “Too curvy.” “Too bulky”. “Not graceful enough.” “Too thin to have body image issues.” “Not lean enough to be taken seriously as a trainer.” “Not skinny enough to be a ballet dancer.” These are not my words, but things that have been told to me throughout my life.
I also feel like I was lied to.
I was told that if I just ate some arbitrarily decided minimal amount of calories that I would continuously lose X lbs a week. That if I just ate less and moved more I would magically reach and maintain my “goal weight”. Then I was told that it wasn’t actually about the calories. It was about fat. Carbs. Sugar. Processed foods. More cardio. No cardio. You name it.
You too?
And guess what? No matter what I did, I pretty much stayed within a range of 2 sizes. I wasn’t meant to be much different than the way I naturally show up in the world. And the way I show up in the world, is as a straight sized woman. While my relationship with my body wasn’t easy, I’ve never had to face half of the stigma and discrimination that you get when you’re actually living in a larger/fat body. But I didn’t realize it at the time.
So I, in turn, spread those lies to others.
“Just eat like I do! Work out like I do. And you too can look like me!” Guess what? It’s not true. It took me a long time to finally figure this out:
Work out like me and you’re gonna look like YOU.
Sure, there is a science to food and exercise. In theory, if you eat a certain way you might gain or lose weight temporarily. If that weight is within your body’s natural setpoint, you might even maintain it for a bit longer. I don’t need to go into details here, because we’ve all probably been through 8 different versions of this. I don’t need to teach you how to diet again, because if you’re anything like me those rules are already engrained in your mind forever. Besides, diets don’t work. Not even the ones that are packed up as “lifestyle” changes but still make you restrict and measure and obsess.
Pursuing a body shape and size that you were never meant to be is a battle that you can never win.
Which is why I’ll continue to stand by my message that the wellness industry has it a$$ backwards. If it’s really about “health” why does no nobody seem to care about mental and emotional health? Why do we congratulate a behavior when a fat or medium sized person does it and call it an eating disorder when a thin person does the same thing? Why is the healthcare system, the fitness industry, and society at large so $hitty to people in larger bodies? You can pursue health promoting behaviors without a fixation on weight.
Because a “healthy weight” whatever the f*@% that even is, is not the same for every single person.
I can’t even begin to tell you of all of dancers (and lets be honest, humans in general) I know who have been fat shamed. At a variety of sizes! Been subject to weigh-ins. Developed disordered eating and full blown eating disorders that flew under the radar or were even encouraged because they were still holding on to “extra weight” according to whoever. Or maybe they were actually pretty thin, but everyone just thought that’s what they were “supposed to look like”. Because that’s all you ever see. Being a dancer is a hard enough skill on it’s own. Even more so when you have to do it under-fueled and staring at yourself in a mirror 24/7.
I speak from the viewpoint of a dancer, because that’s the world I’ve been a part of for 30+ years of my life.
But this happens everywhere. And I’m over it. Let’s start busting these stereotypes and sharing more stories. We weren’t all meant to be skinny. This is my experience, but I think it’s important that you share yours too. Then maybe the world can start to accept the fact that size diversity is very much a real thing. People come with different heights, eye colors, skin tones, and shoe sizes. Why would weight be any different?
