How To Fit Fitness Into Your Life When Life Is a Shitshow
So life is a shitshow right now. Can we all just agree on that? Lately, I look around at the world around me like UGHHHHH. Today I’m thinking mostly about Afghanistan and Texas, but this changes daily. I feel like I need to do all of the things to make it better and also like nothing I do could even make a dent of a difference. I feel simultaneously full of rage and fear but also numb. Every day it’s something different. You too?
Then I look around at my own life. Which is comparatively pretty great. And also, I’m navigating a move, an infant, running an online business, and being a dance teacher & personal trainer in a pandemic. The game plan for how to get through it all changes perpetually and I’m willing to bet that I’m not alone here.
It can feel trivial to be thinking about fitness at a time like this. And yet. . .
I can’t help but deny that strength training (my go-to workout of choice) is immensely helpful in releasing the stress and anger that accumulates. It’s something that brings me back to a more stable place. It also makes me feel like if the patriarchy was a physical thing that I could totally kick it’s ass and win. I mean it kind of is. And I totally would. Anyway. . .
It’s easy to lose motivation when life feels like a shitshow. Everything feels hard. What I want you to know is this: Motivation is temporary. Waiting for it to come around and stay is kinda like waiting for life to return to normal. Sometimes we seem close, but then there’s a plot twist that puts us right back where we started.
What I want you to know is this: you don’t need motivation. What you need is momentum.
And perhaps a different perspective on how working out might look for you during this season of life. So if you’re feeling like this thing that “used to be easy” or you “should be able to do” is now feeling like a struggle, you’re not alone. I have some ideas as to why this might be the case, and what you can do about it.
Side note: I like to refer to these things as “roadblocks” rather than “excuses”. Do some of us make bullshit excuses for ourselves that we could probably stand to call ourselves out on? 100%. Do many of us also have very real things that are getting in the way? Yup. Both can be true. But in my experience, feeling like you’re making “excuses” sends you into a spiral of shoulds:
“I should be able to do this. This should feel easier. I should just do xyz.”
Which then leads to guilt and shame (and in my case temper tantrums) when things don’t work out as planned. Roadblocks, on the other hand, feel more like an obstacle to overcome. A hard thing, but something we can troubleshoot. If you’re anything like me, you might be tempted to white knuckle your way through it. You probably could if you tried. But there’s an easier way.
Anyway, here are some examples.
Roadblock: You’re trying to make your workouts fit into a box that no longer works.
You used to be able to go to the gym for 90 minutes and have some “me time” but now you go back and forth with how comfortable you feel even go there. Throw going back to work in person or limited childcare into the mix and now you have to choose between working out, having clean underwear, or having food in the house.
Solution: Change your definition of what a workout looks like.
If making it to an hour long class used to be your go-to but that’s not working right now, what would fit? 40 minutes at the gym? Choosing a gym that’s closer to where you work? Getting the equipment you need to do it at your house? Doing fewer reps & sets? Splitting it up into mini movement breaks throughout the day? Get creative with your ideas–no wrong answers when you open yourself up to what “could” be instead of getting stuck in “should”.
Roadblock: You’re dealing with some health stuff–mental or physical.
I don’t know many people who are doing great in the mental health department right now. If you’re lucky, you’re mainly trying to avoid getting Covid (still stressful) but there could be other stuff too? Maybe you’re even putting off making a doctor’s appointment because you’re worried they’ll say something about your weight and that’s a whole THING.
Solution: Instead of giving up or pushing through, consider working around.
One of the most common things I hear from from people who are faced with any kind of health struggle is that they’re just gonna take a break while they deal with xyz. Diet culture would say “no excuses”. And a lot of people in the anti-diet world say “just rest” no matter what. But the truth of the matter is, you don’t have to choose between either of those things. Exercise is a valuable tool for your mental and physical health AND it’s not your therapy. Therapy is therapy. You can do both/and. You can also rehab an injury and still find movement that utilizes the many other parts of your body that are working just fine. And if you’re truly dealing with something that leaves you with no choice but to take a full on break, that leads me to the next one. . .
Roadblock: You feel like you’re gonna “lose all your fitness” so what’s the point?
If you can’t do your usually high intensity class, you throw in the towel and decide you’ll just wait until you’re feeling better to go back again. All-or-nothing mindset creeps in and you start feeling bad about falling “off the wagon” and start planning for how and when you’ll get back on again. (FYI there is no wagon. 😉 )
Solution: Redefine consistency and start thinking of fitness like a savings account.
Do you notice any patterns for yourself where you’re super into working out for awhile until something gets in the way? Then you take a break but feel really guilty about that break, so you go all in the next time. Repeat until the end of time. But what if consistency isn’t working out 6-7 days a week every week until the end of time? What if it looked like 3ish days this week, for example, but sometimes a little less and sometimes a little more? All the while your fitness accumulates like a savings account so that when you do need to take an extended break, you’ve built up enough strength over the years that you don’t lose it all immediately. (This is what happens when you consistently strength train for years on end BTW.)
Roadblock: You’re not seeing results so why bother?
You feel like you work out all the time, but you’re just not seeing results. No matter what you do, you still aren’t loving the way you look. You’re trying not to care so much about your weight but you still kinda do. Everyone else seems to lose weight when they work out but it doesn’t make much of a difference for you. And you’re not even getting stronger. Ughhhh.
Solution: Re-examine your definition of what “results” look like.
If you’re hoping to look like that one trainer on IG with the matching leggings and sports bras who you kinda hate but still follow anyway, I have a reminder for you. You could work out and eat the exact same things as someone else, but you’re still gonna look like YOU. Aesthetics is a terrible motivator for long term consistency. Because beauty standards are ever changing and diet culture is designed to make you feel insecure so that you buy products to fix yourself. There are lots of ways to measure your progress that aren’t your weight. If you’ve gotten past aesthetics but not getting stronger seems to be your problem, this blog post is for you.
Roadblock: Working out feels like a “have to” rather than a “get to”.
You’re starting to dread your workouts, feeling too exhausted to complete them, or finding every possible reason to do anything but. You’re usually able to power through but you’re not sure how much longer you can keep that up.
Solution: Stop asking what’s wrong with you, and instead ask what needs to change.
Get really curious about what’s making it feel like such a chore. It might be something really small. Some solutions my clients have found recently: joining a different gym, getting some new workout equipment for home, changing up the activity they’re doing or giving themselves options, getting better gym shoes, giving themselves permission to not shower or work out in non “workout clothes”, having a specific program to follow, setting some boundaries around their schedule to help with energy management, or changing the time of day or day of the week they do it. What small tweak would make it feel more like a treat for you?
Roadblock: You have too much to do.
You’re constantly bumping up against everything else on your plate. You want to work out but also you really need to clean out your closet. You have to finish up that continuing ed course you’re working on. Your partner wants you to watch Ted Lasso and that sounds really really good. So do chocolate chip cookies and now you kinda wanna bake some. . .
Solution: Triage your to-do list.
Here’s a truth that will set you free: You are NEVER going to finish everything that’s on your to-do list. What needs to get done today? This week? What would be nice to do sometime this year? Designate a time and place for each thing to go. Including your workouts. Because if you wait til life calms down to fit it in, you won’t. Likewise, if you insist on working out at all costs and avoid other important things in order to make it happen, that’s the opposite of healthy.
The biggest takeaways here:
Stop trying to “push through” the things that are getting in your way and instead, see if you can work around them and with them. If you’re anything like me, you get a kick out of doing hard things. But just because you can, doesn’t mean you have to. Life is a shitshow for a lot of us at the moment. Which of these solutions will you use to make the working out part less shitty?
If you read this over and like the sound of it but have some questions about how it relates to your unique shitshow of a life, these are literally things we talk about regularly in my online group coaching program, Tough Love Strength Club. TLSC is open for enrollment now. You can learn more and apply here!
