Surprise! I’m pregnant! I would have made this announcement public a lot sooner, but I didn’t for a few reasons:

1. We were quarantined. Who was I gonna see?
2. I couldn’t figure out a way to do it that didn’t feel forced or fake.
3. I really don’t love the way pregnant womxn are often treated in our society, and I wanted to avoid that for as long as possible.

But here we are. About 22 weeks in. And I decided that in true Jenna J fashion, the most appropriate way to make such a big announcement would be to write a blog post about it. I’ve said this before, but my blog is a space where I process the things I’m working through in my own life and run my mouth about the things that fire me up.

Usually those things are related to fitness, diet culture, and body image. Today we’re talking pregnancy. And while this post may come off as a little self-indulgent (and potentially make some people uncomfortable or upset), my hope is that there is one person out there who can relate to me. One person who can be like:

“Hell yes! That’s exactly how I felt, but never thought it was ok to say it out loud.”

Allow me to be really blunt here. I’ve always felt a little ambivalent about having kids. Maybe my uncertainty came from fear of the unknown? Don’t get me wrong, much of my fear has turned to excitement at this point, but I’ve always had some serious concerns about being pregnant and having a kid. The way I saw it, there were two kinds of people in the world:

1. Those who have always dreamed of becoming a parent, and couldn’t imagine their life without it.
2. Those who absolutely didn’t want kids.

And then there was me.

I didn’t feel like I fit neatly into either group. I just had some questions, yanno? I’ve been married for 10 years. My husband and I have a good thing going. We like to travel and drink nice cocktails and casually say “fuck” around the house. How would a baby affect that situation? When you have super active jobs, how does being pregnant work? How do you raise a kid when you’re an independent spirit who barely feels like an adult herself?

On the flip side, I do like kids. I babysat a ton in my teens and 20’s. I work with them as a dance teacher. In fact, this might be part of the reason why I waited so long to have my own. Many of my dance students are like family to me. I get to enjoy all the really good stuff: seeing them light up onstage, grow up to become really amazing humans, and graduate high school. Except I don’t have to feed them or pay their tuition. And if they get on my nerves too bad, I get to send them home after a few hours. Plus I’ve seen too many of the bad moments. I know all the ways things can go wrong.

I joke that unfortunately for my child, everyone else’s kid took strike 1, 2, and 3 before they were born. Sorry, Baby J. You’re out. 😉

I’ve been very open about all of these feelings with most people who know me well, and that’s another part of the reason I avoided making this announcement for as long as I did.

Would everyone think I was going to be a terrible mother because I felt this way??

But as one of my best friends pointed out, the fact that I’ve given it that much thought might just be the thing that makes me a better mom. All of my questioning of the status quo and commitment to doing what feels best for my family might just mean that I’m gonna be ok at this.

So if you’re a part of my life in real life, and care enough about me to be excited about my pregnancy, I hope you’ll take the time to learn more about how I’m feeling right now. And if not, but you’ve resonated with anything I’ve said so far, keep reading too. My hope is that maybe you’ll feel a little less alone and/or avoid saying & doing annoying things to the next pregnant person you encounter.

If you’re not my child, please don’t call me “mama”.

One of my biggest fears is losing myself to the identity of “mom”. I’m still a whole person with interests and hopes and dreams and fears and goals. I know it’s well meaning. But really, I’d love if you could just keep calling me Jenna.

If you try to touch my belly, expect to get your hand smacked.

Or don’t be surprised if I try to touch yours back. Would that be weird? Well, it’s not any less weird when you’re pregnant. It feels invasive. One of the perks of social distancing is that I probably won’t have to deal with this much.

Baby showers are overwhelming to me.

I know I need things for the baby. I should at least grace the people kind enough to gift me them with a mimosa or something. But the thought of opening bottles of nipple cream and 9,000 bibs and stuffed bunnies that I didn’t register for feels like a LOT. I’ll figure out a way to do this in a way that feels right for me. But know that when it comes to baby showers, I am a Miranda in what feels like a world full of Charlottes. If you want clarification, please watch Season 4 Episode 17 of Sex & The City.

Please don’t tell me to “take it easy”.

There are a lot of myths and misconceptions about what sorts of activities are safe when you’re pregnant. As a dance teacher/yoga teacher/personal trainer, I was so interested in learning the truth that I actually completed a whole pre & postnatal coaching certification. I know my own body and what’s safe for me. I’ve also been making serious efforts to set boundaries around my schedule, manage my energy, and get lots of sleep. Don’t worry. I’ve got this.

I don’t need health or nutrition advice. I’m doing my best.

I find it amusing when people try to tell me to make sure I’m eating XYZ and avoiding fill in the blank. Listen, I met with a Registered Dietitian at my doctor’s office. I know what foods can be harmful to my baby. I have Google for when I’m not sure. But if you try to tell me to eat organic/vegetables/enough protein, etc. I’m gonna roll my eyes at you. The first 4 months I was nauseous pretty much all day every day. Sometimes it’s just about eating whatever you can keep down.

I don’t expect praise for working out.

I’ve been fortunate enough to have had a pretty easy experience so far (aside from the all day “morning sickness”). I can still work out and do most of my normal activities without discomfort. Everyone’s experience is different though. Just because someone doesn’t work out while pregnant doesn’t make them lazy or wrong.

Can we please talk about literally anything but my body/appearance?

If you follow my blog or social media, you know how I feel about commenting on people’s bodies (just don’t). But pregnancy is this extra weird time where it feels like there’s a spotlight on you. People see it as an invitation to comment, and it’s awkward AF. When you say “You don’t even look pregnant!” I know you mean it as a compliment, but what I hear is: “I’m going to be judging you in a few more weeks when you do.” P.S.-Nobody wants to hear about how huge they are or that they look “puffy” or tired. Can we talk about literally anything else?

I won’t be taking those monthly bump photos where you compare your baby to produce.

To me that also feels awkward, and very reminiscent of before/after photos, which I absolutely loathe. It also feels hypocritical. Oh sure, my bump is “cute” now because I’m pregnant. But what if I told you it was just a food baby? Would that still be cute? Is it still gonna be cute if it sticks around after I have the baby?

This is a whole new level of body image work.

Truth be told, I had a pretty easy body acceptance journey. Gained some weight, gave up dieting. Stayed at the same, slightly higher weight (still straight sized) for years. My body has been predictable. Plus I have quite a bit of thin privilege, which makes it easier to accept. But pregnancy feels like such a loss of control. It feels like being injured only backwards, because instead of things getting a little better every day, they get a little worse. I’m peeling back more and more layers of things I need to work on for myself.

I hate the expectation that women have to “lose the baby weight” AND also worry that I’ll have a hard time accepting my post-pregnancy body.

This is the honest truth. I get SO angry when I see people (looking at you MLM reps) preying on new moms to try to lose the baby weight. I hate that you’re supposed to create a whole damn human and then magically look like you never did. Then I see others posting pictures of their stretch marks talking about how much they “love their body”. I can’t imagine being able to do the same so easily. More shit I need to work on, apparently.

I don’t want to hear your stories unless they’re encouraging.

I don’t wanna hear about your traumatic birth experience. Stop saying things like “Sleep now because you won’t when the baby comes. . .” I don’t wanna hear about how you hated your husband for the first 6 months or how cracked your nipples got. I understand you might want to vent about this experience. But if it’s gonna terrify me, please share with someone else. Tell me something that’s gonna make me feel more excited than scared.

Don’t ask me questions about my plans for parenting choices unless you plan on being cool with whatever my answer is.

I’m not interested in judgement of any kind. These rules apply to my birth plan, breastfeeding, sleep training, finding out the gender, name choices, baby food making, or anything else you can think of.

Eric and I will be sharing parenting responsibilities.

We discussed this long before kids were even on the table. Especially when it comes to waking up in the middle of the night with the baby. So often the responsibility falls on the mom. But I really wish dads were held to higher expectations. My kid’s dad will be.

I don’t know how other people do this not under quarantine.

For real. Mad props to anyone who didn’t get to be quarantined during their pregnancy. Because I would have been completely dysfunctional. I’m sure I would have slept through many morning clients, called in sick excessively, or made a lot of runs to the bathroom. Pregnancy is no joke.

I have no plans of changing my business niche or becoming a stay at home mom.

I know some of my clients and followers might be curious about this. The answer is no. I have no intentions of becoming a “mommy blogger” or switching my coaching to focus on moms exclusively. And I’ll be back to work as soon as I feel up to it. The gift of having jobs you love is that they don’t really feel like work anyway.

Please still invite me out to do fun things.

I’ve seen this happen with some of my friends who are moms. They decline an invitation one time because of something kid related, and all of a sudden their child-free friends assume they’re no longer cool or relatable. If you’re my friend, you’re still important to me. If I try to bail on you more than once, please call me on my bullshit and make me come out. Plus, Eric already promised me he’d watch the kid.

I cannot wait to have sushi and a cocktail.

There are some foods I really miss. Most of them are actually beverages. 😉 But really, my first meal post baby is gonna be either sushi (with raw salmon) and a Moscow mule, or a charcuterie board with extra brie and a glass of wine. Or maybe a margarita?

Is this really the best nature could do for us?

Pregnancy and childbirth isn’t the best system ever created. Men should have to go through it too, in my opinion. That would be fair, right? Why do they make something so big come out of a hole so small?? I wish there was a better way that didn’t involve intense pain, potential stitches, or the possibility of your bladder falling out of your vagina.

Postpartum care for new moms is a joke.

There are so many things that go unnoticed & untreated with new moms. Things like postpartum depression and incontinence for example. I will not resign myself to a life of peeing my pants every time I jump or feel any shame if I need meds. Not many people speak openly about this, but I wish they did. I already have a therapist and pelvic floor physical therapist lined up just in case.

Questioning they way we’ve always done things isn’t going to make me a bad mom. It’s gonna make me a better one.

If you’re still reading, you might be thinking: “Wow, Jenna is an asshole.” Or maybe you’re just glad somebody finally said it so you didn’t have to? In any case, I think the fact that I waited a little longer and took the time to think through the way I want this whole “mom” thing to look is gonna make the experience that much better. For me & Eric and for Baby J, who will be very loved, even if I don’t feel like a glowing goddess right now.

If I see you in real life anytime soon, please just treat me like you normally would.

If not, keep these points in mind the next time you encounter a pregnant person. Not all of us feel the same about pregnancy and motherhood, and I want there to be more space for that.

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