One of the most common concerns I’ve been hearing from my clients (and really everyone on the internet) is how frustrated they are with their body image right now. Between the endless memes about quarantine weight gain, threats of people in larger bodies being more at risk of COVID-19 complications, and a lack of access to a gym and your normal routine, it’s normal to feel like everything is falling apart.

It’s easy to project that blame onto your body.

You may feel like you’re losing your strength and all the progress you made at the gym. You’re sure you’ve gained weight. You have access to all the food all the time at your house, and it’s just so much easier to make a frozen pizza than to cook another meal from scratch. You feel simultaneously compelled to start baking your own bread but you’re also questioning your consumption of carbs. You don’t even know if your jeans still fit because who needs those? It’s either leggings or pajamas around here! To top if off, you may be finding yourself on Zoom calls 24/7, having to look at yourself more often. Body image nosedive.

It’s A LOT.

It’s also normal and ok. The problem is, that many of the things we do to try to make ourselves feel better are ass backwards. A lot of them are actually making the problem worse. The answer to better body image is NOT in losing a few pounds or finally being able to get your hair done. Because chances are, if you’re feeling crappy about your body right now, it’s about more than just the way you look. It’s about the meaning you’ve assigned to those things. Or better yet, the meaning that we, as a culture, have assigned to being thin and looking “fit”.

Here are 9 reasons you might be struggling with your body image, and how to deal with it.

1.YOU’RE LACKING CONTROL IN YOUR LIFE.

Let’s face it, there’s not much that’s within our control right now. Everything is uncertain and it’s changing every minute. When we feel out of control it’s natural to default to the thing we think we can control: our bodies. We actually have less control over this than we think, by the way. Regardless of whether or not your body has actually changed right now, you may find yourself hyper-focused on it. It’s much easier to start picking apart your physical appearance than it is to sit down and deal with the bigger issues that might be going on in your life. This is normal.

How to Deal:

Recognize that there are certain things you won’t be able to control, and take the pressure off yourself to try to fix those things. There are some things that are actually within your power, to an extent. Can you focus on those instead? Some examples might be: The boundaries you set for yourself around your work hours (if you’re working from home). The routine you set for your day. Whether or not you shower or brush your teeth. If and when you choose to move your body. The shows you watch. Who you’re following on social media. How you choose to give back to causes you care about.

2. YOU’VE ATTACHED A MEANING TO WHAT YOUR BODY SAYS ABOUT YOU.

It’s easy to do this. Especially because we live in a world that sees gaining weight as the worst moral failing a person could ever commit. Think about the word “fat” when it’s used as an insult. It’s almost always tied to a negative word. “Fat and lazy”. “Fat and stupid”. “Fat and ugly”. I could go on but I won’t, because it’s shitty and it needs to stop. For me, my weight was always very much tied to my work ethic. How about you??

How to deal:

Do a little thinking or journaling about what you believe your body says about you. Is it true? Is it really though?? Let’s use the work ethic thing as an example. If you’re unemployed right now, or less busy, or not feeling motivated to work out, you might be telling yourself the story that you’re “lazy”. False. You’re dealing with some tough shit in a weird time. Chances are, your feelings of “fat” (not a feeling by the way) are less about your actual body, and more about the meaning you’ve attached to it. Chew on that for awhile. What meaning have you attached to your body size? Could this be why your body image is suffering right now?

3. YOU’RE BEING BOMBARDED WITH MESSAGES ABOUT WEIGHT AND HEALTH.

It’s everywhere. So many clickbait headlines about fat people being more at risk for Coronavirus. The problem here: may of us don’t actually read beyond the headlines or look at the actual research surrounding the articles we read. We’ve held on to our assumptions about weight and health forever. But much like we’ve evolved our opinions about fat and carbs, maybe it’s time to look at some new research about weight and health? Let’s stop taking health advice from that girl we went to high school with on Facebook. She’s only talking about the “quarantine 15” so that you’ll buy the 21 day juice cleanse that she’s stockpiled in her garage.

How to deal:

Question the information you’re given. All of it. Even when it’s coming from me. So many people are sharing outrageous misinformation on the internet. Healthy questioning is good. And we need to use our critical thinking skills on all fronts. Check out this article if you’d like an alternative perspective on COVID-19 and weight and notice the linked scientific studies to back it up. A couple of other perspectives to consider: weight stigma can prevent people in larger bodies from going to the doctor and getting treatment for health issues in the first place. It’s easier to access health promoting products and services when you have the money to do so. Lower income folks as well as BIPOC, are also more likely to be working jobs that expose them to the virus. This is a deeper problem that requires a bigger societal solution. A protein shake is not the answer.

4. YOU’RE LISTENING TO THE PEOPLE WHO TELL YOU TO TRY ON YOUR OLD JEANS AND HIGH SCHOOL PROM DRESS.

Or yanno, doing things like weighing yourself daily. There’s nothing wrong with wearing jeans, but if you’re trying them on for the sake of seeing if they still fit, you’re setting yourself up for a bad body image day and potentially discomfort. All sorts of things can come up: Wait, do they really feel tighter or were they always like this? When is the last time I washed these? When is the last time I even wore them in real life? Are these even in style anymore? Reality check: you’re a grown ass adult. Your life is different than it was 20 years ago and you shouldn’t be expected to have the exact same body as you did in high school.

How to deal:

Wear clothes that make you feel good and like you. Whether thats jeans that fit you now, or your cutest athleisure wear . The truth of the matter is, your body may have changed slightly because your whole LIFE has changed. Bodies shift all the time, and we don’t need to micromanage them. Chances are, once the world opens up again, yours will change yet again. You can focus on health promoting habits without being obsessive about your weight. Your body will do what it needs to do. Put good habits first and the rest will fall in place.

5. YOU USED TO HAVE HEALTHY HABITS IN PLACE BUT NOW YOU HAVE TO START FROM SCRATCH.

Habits take time to build. And once they’re in place, taking care of your health feels a little more effortless. Maybe you used to pack your lunch the night before a busy work day? Hit the gym on your way home? You had a trainer you saw regularly or a favorite class. You didn’t even have think about it because it was just routine. Well that’s gone to shit now. Of course it’s going to feel harder to find time & motivation to do things that make you feel good: like working out, eating vegetables, or drinking enough water.

How to deal:

Take some time to figure out what new habits might look like for you right now. Realistically it might not be exactly what it used to be. That doesn’t mean it has to be all or nothing. Start with some small goals and don’t force yourself to do something you hate. Not into live streaming group fitness classes? Consider getting a DIY program or seeing if you can work with a coach online if it’s in your budget. Hate home workouts? Can you switch up the expectations and walk/run/bike outside? Start small and celebrate your wins. Most importantly, try not to focus on exercise solely for the purpose of body manipulation. There are so many other great benefits to working out!

6. YOU’VE BEEN TRYING TO RESTRICT YOUR FOOD FOR TOO LONG AND NOW IT’S BACKFIRING.

By too long, I mean low key, for the past 20+ years. It’s not your fault that you don’t trust yourself at your house with food all day when your partner won’t stop buying chips and ice cream. If you’ve been depriving yourself, whether that’s counting calories, macros, “clean eating”, etc, it’s only a matter of time before you fall face first into a pint of Ben & Jerry’s. You are not broken or out of control. You’re just hangry. And you’ve used up all your will power. If you’re used to defining your worth by how “good” you can be with food, this experience will negatively affect your body image too.

How to deal:

Start learning about Intuitive Eating. Read the book or listen to this podcast before you form an opinion. While you might think that this means you’ll only eat donuts and cookies for the rest of your life, it couldn’t be farther from the truth. Yes, you may do this initially. Learning to be an intuitive eater takes time. Years. But it’s the best investment you could ever make when it comes to your relationship with food. The best way to avoid bingeing on candy is to see it as no big deal. Do you remember at the beginning of quarantine when everyone freaked out and bought all the toilet paper because they were worried there wouldn’t be enough? Humans are this way with all things. Toilet paper and hand sanitizer during a pandemic. Pizza and ice cream when we’ve been depriving ourselves of it for decades.

7. YOU’RE LACKING A COMMUNITY & SUPPORT SYSTEM.

Prior to shelter-in-place you probably had people who would hold you accountable. A friend to go on walks with on your lunch break or standing appointment with your trainer or a workout buddy. Even friends who you could go out with for happy hour and unwind with. A community is helpful not only in terms of our physical health, but also mental and emotional. We crave human connection. And sometimes the people who who live with us (if any) aren’t fulfilling all of our emotional & social needs. We need to make sure that the people we’re connecting with virtually now are the right people for us. Ones that are pushing us closer to where we want to be and whose values align with our own.

How to deal:

Check in with who you’re connecting with on a weekly basis. What friends do you want to talk to more? Who are you glad to have an excuse not to hang out with? Are you following people who energize you or drain you? Maybe you’re spending too much time online altogether? Curate your social media and your social circle too. Make time to connect with people who matter to you now, and seek to make new online connections too. Now is a great time to consider joining that group coaching program you’ve been curious about. Hanging around with the right people who lift you up can have an extremely positive effect on your body image.

8. YOU’RE WORRIED ABOUT WHAT OTHER PEOPLE WILL THINK WHEN WE COME OUT OF QUARANTINE.

I’ll be the first to admit that I care a little too much about what other people think. Maybe you’re also worried that people will notice that you’ve gained weight/have bad roots/desperately need a manicure? This can amplified if you have family and friends who are posting memes about the “quarantine 15” and shamey articles about fast food not being an “essential” business. If they think that way about themselves, what will they think about you??

How to deaL:

Instead of taking it out on yourself or your body, take it out on our culture that seems to value weight and appearance over true health. Get angry if you need to, but not at yourself. You’re doing your best. And also know that so are your friends and family. They’re a product of this culture too. Know that their actions say more about how they view themselves and their body image issues than how they see you. The people who really count will be SO excited to see you when quarantine is over and love you for reasons that go far deeper than your jeans size.

9. YOU NEED TO PRIORTIZE SELF CARE.

You don’t take good care of things that you don’t like, right? So how can you expect to have good body image when you’re doing things like wearing too tight pants as a “reminder” to keep yourself in check? When you’re exercising from a place of punishment or to earn your food? You can’t expect to feel good when you’re feeding yourself exclusively carrot sticks OR cookies (neither extreme is the answer). You won’t feel good about yourself if you have a track of negative self-talk playing in your head.

How to deal:

Treat yourself like someone you actually like. Do movement that you enjoy and that makes you feel good! Eat food that nourishes you on many levels. This not only means traditional “nutrient dense” foods like fruits and vegetables. But also satisfying foods that feel your soul. Wear your favorite earrings. Take a shower. Treat yourself to a movie that makes you laugh or a phone date with a friend. Set some boundaries around the things that are draining you right now. Stop putting off pleasure or the things you want to do in your life until you achieve your #bodygoals.

Better body image is about so much more than just your weight or how you look.

While it’s true that our culture is absolutely kinder to thin people, it doesn’t automatically mean that losing weight will make you feel good about yourself. The best proof I have is that photo I bet we all have of ourselves when we were younger and smaller. At the time we felt so insecure and were certain that we needed to lose weight. Looking back years later, we can probably now say: What was I thinking? I looked GREAT. It was never just about your looks. If you want to get to the root of your body image issues, you need to dig deeper.

Wanna get better at push-ups? Whether you’re trying to get your first one without using your knees, training to beat the entire patriarchy in a push-up contest, or just create better memories around push-ups than 5th grade gym class gave you, this program will help get you there.